MessyPosted: January 21, 2012
Recently, I’ve had several comments about my “messy” style of scrapbooking. At first, I was kind of hurt, to be honest. Then, upon thinking about it a while, I realized a few things, one of which, is that messy doesn’t mean bad. I know that my style will not be everyone’s cup of tea. It IS messy. It is really different. It is VERY me. This makes me smile. A lot.
When I did my “dare to be different” layout/post back on my birthday in September, I explained that one of the things I like about myself, is that I dare to be different. Back when I was in my “scrapbook style self discovery” stage, for some reason, I thought that my style should be like many scrapper’s….clean, linear, graphic. I really admire clean scrappers. There’s something SO beautiful about simplicity, about clean. Like Nina’s style or Laura’s style . I love to look at their layouts….so fantastic, so dynamic. But I noticed something about myself when I was trying unsuccessfully to do the clean thing……..I didn’t like to scrap very much. I felt my pages were forced, copied, boring, lame, uninspired. They were seriously lacking in something. I have discovered that something, for me…is layered messiness. Imperfection.
I recently read a post from a fellow blogger, complaining of the lack of authenticity in blogger’s lives. About how many bloggers gloss over their lives, and portray their lives as perfect. Perfect homes, perfect marriages, perfect children. I do like to see authenticity. For bloggers to be honest and real about where they are in their life. It makes me feel better to know that others out there struggle with their weight, with parenting, with emotions and marriage……..and just dealing with daily life. I feel like I can relate to them. It’s kind of like finding a group you fit into in school. I NEVER wanted to hang with the perfect popular girls. They were SOOOOOOO boring to me. I do have to admit, I am a stickler about the cleanliness of my home (and neatness of my garden in the warmer months)…..I like to keep them as orderly and as free of clutter as possible. I’ve come to understand that part of this need for order, has a name- called OCD; and it is how I deal with anxiety. I won’t get into it in depth, but just know that as clean and orderly as the main floor of my home may be….the closets aren’t too neat, and the drawers are crammed full of crap. It’s pretty much like my mind. I look like an orderly gal…….but my mind is really a mess, with things spilling out of the proverbial drawers.
When I create, I make a huge mess. Stuff is everywhere. My muscles begin to unwind, I feel “in the zone”, I feel happy, free, fulfilled. I add layer upon layer, not stopping until *I*decide it is complete. It helps me to have a momentary sense of control. Modeling paste, gesso, paint, glitter, mist, patterned paper, embellishments. As I add stuff, it is not perfect, and I’m okay with that. The interesting thing is, that I’m usually not okay with imperfection. When I was 24/7 studying voice, I would practice until things were perfect. I was so (and still am) critical of imperfections in classical singers. But my style of creating gets pretty crazy looking sometimes. I think the best part of it is, I am able to convey my heart. I’ve only been able to do this when singing in the past….and I hadn’t been able to even then, for a while. I’m staying sane by creating.
I hope you are having a beautiful weekend. Thanks for putting up with my ramblings, and my experimental tags. I was just messing around with new inks, paints, and stamps. 🙂 It was messy, and fantastic….but didn’t last nearly long enough.