We Are More

Lately, I have been using scrapbooking, and the process of it, to help me get through some hard times. Today, I was not sure I even wanted to head to the scrap room and create, I felt a bit lifeless. But, the thought of sitting in a chair doing nothing or watching mindless TV? Not really something I could imagine doing. So……..I looked through photos first. Usually, I use a current picture, because I have a vivid memory of the event. But this picture……though it was taken in 1998? The memory is still very fresh; and it related very much to some recent events.

Not because of my own privacy, but because of the privacy of my daughter, I am not going to go into detail about recent events. I just knew, that in some small way, I needed to share my feelings about something that we are struggling with collectively, in my way.  A little bit of me feels like I am sharing too much, but honestly, getting it out in the open is helping me to heal.

When this photo was taken, I was 22 years old, and had been divorced from my daughter’s dad for about a month, and my parents had brought my girl down for a visit. I was singing with a summer opera company (like an apprenticeship) in Arkansas, of all places. It was very rustic living. I was feeling pretty lonely, had faced some really really harsh criticism and treatment that I wasn’t really emotionally ready to hear and feel, but I was needing some space from everything back home; so I continued to live with it. I needed to continue to look for who I was in the midst of everything I’d experienced, and lost.  As much as I loved my (then three year old) daughter, I was so smothered in my own fears and pain, I’d forgotten hers.  It is a big regret of mine.  I think some of the journaling I wrote on this page says it all.

“Here we are in this photo, after I’d been gone for weeks in Arkansas, loving you from a distance, both physically and emotionally, but always keeping you in my heart and mind. ”

I know that there are experiences that have made the relationship with my daughter amazing, like the trips we have taken, the music we have sung together,  the art we’ve done and seen together, our many things that we have in common…… and the way we’ve been together for 16 years. There is a distance now that she’s struggling. There can be pain while digging up the past, for both of us, but our relationship is so much more than that. It’s held together with love. I will always be there for her, in some way.

My daughter and I? We are so much more than the sum of our hurt.

Have a great weekend, gnomies. Blessings.



7 Comments on “We Are More”

  1. yes. you certainly are positively amazing and so is that beautiful daughter of yours, how lucky you are to have each other! amy, thank you for sharing such a moving and inspirational post. honey, we all have our stories to tell, it just takes courage, bravery and most of all, love to relay such a wonderful message. thank you for being you!

  2. misty says:

    Beautiful layout…you can really feel the passion in your pages and my heart goes out to you and your daughter! Blessings!

  3. Huge hugs to you both. I hope scrapping helps to digest some of the hurt and confusion. xx

  4. Beautiful page- love the circle with the title running across it’s a great design element on this wonderfully well put together page. Thank you for being so open. I personally think it’s good to vent sometimes since writing things out can lead to insights on how to deal with whatever challenges you are facing- doing so publicly also means others will reach out to you when you need support most. I also really like how you imparted your feelings while protecting your daughter’s privacy- that’s a great balance.

  5. Julie says:

    I hope you manage to work through it all. It’s good that you have a way to let it out and don’t bottle things up. Take Care.

  6. Just looking at this layout, I can feel the emotion you put into it. You and your daughter are two of the most beautiful people inside and out that I know. I want you to know that I am always here for BOTH of you. I’m glad that you are creating to help you get through these feelings. It can be a big help in the healing process. I always try to remember that you can’t change the past, and shouldn’t live in regret for anything, but know that the past has made us who we are, and will only help us in the long run. We don’t always make the best choices, but that isn’t a bad thing. It helps us grow, and learn more to better our lives each day. I also have learned that hurting is okay… it makes us human. We are not perfect, I know that you are aware of this… so know that no matter what things you and your daughter go through, you both have the love for one another that will keep you close. I know she loves you. I have seen it in posts of hers. I know you love her. Nothing will ever change that. And know that there is a woman in Missouri who thinks of you daily and loves you both like you are a part of her family as well.

  7. Chipper says:

    God bless you both xoxo

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